oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
