I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
