my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
