Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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