My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
