I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will be naked everywhere
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
