What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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