Whod you bang
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
