I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
