dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
