I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
