I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
