I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
