I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
