i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
