I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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