I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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