Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He felt like a one man threesome
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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