The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
