he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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