Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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