I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
