someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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