Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
