My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
