I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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