Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
