it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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