Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
