you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
