Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
