your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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