KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
