she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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