I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We're too hungover to prance.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
