Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
