Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
