I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
