i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
