It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
