i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
