Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
