roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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