My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
