i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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