It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
