When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
