And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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