i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
