my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
