I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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