hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
