As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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