That's intense
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How naked do you want me to be?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
