Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
