you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
