In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
