bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
