I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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