i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
