BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
