fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
