I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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